lindsay takes a coffee break

In the past I've posted a mini collection of Chirstmas songs and a few Valentine's day songs. So I thought it was time I post a Halloween collection. Got a few classics here, you'll no doubt love to hear yet again - since they never get old, really. Then the nice, melancholic, beautiful, and haunting Samhain Night by Loreena McKennitt.

Samain Night

Loreena McKennitt

And finally, in juxtaposition to my Christmas upload of Louie Armstron reciting The Night Before Christmas to Pachelbel's Canon, for Halloween I've got The Raven, as spooklliy read by John Carradine to some creepy pipe organs. ^__^ Gotta love it!

The Raven

John Carradine

love-love. Lindsay

Many of us have music we feel makes up the soundtrack of our lives. Even my father knows precisely what music would play in the film based on his life. I, myself, have had many random songs that represent whole swathes of my mundane experiences, simply because I loved them at those times. But I also have had a few I've purposely elevated into mantras; music that I not only love, but that says something I really need to keep in my head as I go through tougher times or times of change. I've even posted about one before.

But for the better part of the past year, there has been an entire library of these mantra songs accumulating from one single band. As electronica, VNV Nation's sound may not be for everyone (and indeed there are a handful of their songs that are so violently house-music-y and slightly repetitive that I never listen to them a second time), but many of their songs are flabbergastingly inspiring and beautiful. For me, since I like electronic music when it is as intricate as a symphony or has compelling bridges and change-ups (or whatever the proper music terms are for these variations in the music), I find much of the music inspiring in its own right, but the lyrics push it beyond a lot of music today. The band's very name speaks to their view of a grander scale - the VNV standing for Victory, Not Vengeance.

Their songs capture every part of the human journey, from those times we feel lost or insignificant to the times we struggle to better ourselves and our world and reach to whatever lies beyond. And it is these that I am continually trying to remind myself to heed, to live by, to embrace in my own journey. Suffice it to say that I could narrate an entire film - beginning, middle, plot twist, and end - with VNV's music, and it would be a story with which many, many people could identify.

So I felt it was high time I share some of these. A few snatches of lyrics and a few songs that continue to blow me away, to bring tears to my eyes, and to inspire me, not only to feel differently about my life, but to seek the light. I hope they inspire you, too.

"And if rain brings winds of change, let it rain on us forever." ~Solitary

"I don't want you to change, for all the hurt you feel. This world is just illusion, trying to change you." ~Illusion

"Lay down your greastest burden
Relinquish that which has control of you
And let yourself through

Though it seems the past and future look the same
Suffice to say you're still here

Though the past, the unwanted memories, are holding onto you
All the power in the universe conspires to carry you." ~Carry You

"We possess the power
If this should start to fall apart
to mend divides, to change the world
to reach the farthest star
If we should stay silent
if fear should win our hearts,
our light will have long diminished
before it reaches the farthest star." ~The Farthest Star

"Forget your fears. And want no more.
At first light lay proud foundations.
Sense the greatness that before you unfolds.
Seek no more for hollow answers.
Answers that lay within you all along.
Farewell to dawns seen through saddened eyes.
Farewell to pasts to sorrows chained.
Forget your fears and want no more.
You will be strong and want no more.
You'll be adored. You will have everything.
You will be strong and want no more.
Forget your fears. You will have everything.
And want no more." ~Firstlight / Arclight / Lastlight

Endless Skies

VNV Nation

"How many years since you found yourself
Staring at an endless sky?

Unaware of yourself
Who you are and where you're going
Only living
Only breathing
Losing all sense of time

The most fragile of things
Captivates and embraces you
Surrender and be witness
To this rarest of moments

You live within the sense
Of the order of things
What is truth
What is important
What defines you

No need to fear
No need to worry
About years that passed
About time you lost

Live seconds as a lifetime
Time it does not matter
You live within the sense
Of the stillness of time" ~Endless Skies

"Before me plays the endless film
Relentless splinters I recall

Arena

VNV Nation

Each living thing breathes life
Only sentiment remains
To liquid born, from patterns formed
The sand descends with blind intent
Where the river takes me will in time be revealed

I cannot turn my feelings down
Beyond my means to turn my thoughts around
Expressed in every word I will ever speak
Brighter than all the stars combined
More than the waters, earth and sky
All that I wish and all that I dream

Above the waves with my hands raised
Dare the wind, lay claim to me
Knowing somehow none could take me
Watching the sun come up in vain
The only reason I can find why I remained
The need to leave the point I came to again and again

It didn't matter how hard I tried
It took so long to claim that I knew how
Or what it meant to let go of this
To ever say goodbye
Call it destiny, call it fate
Chose my direction, running forward
Each life to learn anew, whatever may come

I cannot turn my feelings down
Beyond my means to turn my thoughts around
Expressed in every word I will ever speak
Brighter than all the stars combined
More than the waters, earth and sky
All that I wish and all that I dream
No creed on earth can replace or provide
In my darkest hour, the comfort I'd feel
Leading me to see I can be more than I expect of me
My beginning and my end
The first and last air that I breathe
More than the sum of everything that I will ever be." ~Arena

Perpetual

VNV Nation

"Find it in you, raise your eyes
Look beyond the place you stand
Towards the furthest reaches
And to the smallest of things
The sound you are hearing
Is the symphony of what we are
Revelation will not come
With heart and mind closed and divided

No need of sun to light the way
Across the ages, we have reigned as we endured
Through the storm fronts we will ever surely pass
To stand as never ending light

Throw away the mantle
Awake from your uncertain hesitation
No way to describe or equate the feeling
No end to what is at your command
A million thoughts run through you
Concentric circles, ever greater
But you have always known
That this is not all there is
To your questions there'll be answers

Let there be, let there always be
Never ending light" ~Perpetual

Photoshop can be addictive. I was supposed to be working on my two years worth of photos, but I've been inspired to play. I joined DeviantART not too long ago, and not only does it seem to be a great learning tool for me, but it's a great artistic kick in the pants. It's so full of quality art, in many different styles, not to mention handy tutorials. So I started trying to be more creative with my stuff - you know, so I can maybe feel like a real artist instead of just some girl with a camera who happens to walk by something cool. This is why I've been getting better with photo editing in photoshop, but also why I decided to try my hand at learning things like vector and flash! And of course, being the perfectionist I occasionally am, I think I've done fairly well in my first go-rounds, so I wanted to share. Particularly the vector drawing I finished last night.

Okay, so my flash isn't so great. But I did it a mere 2 1/2 hours after opening the program for virtually the first time and going through the basic lessons in the welcome screen! And this was the first thing I'd ever drawn with just a pen tool and simple brushes.

**I don't seem to be able to embed it here (or anyway, it's only showing the preview image and the apparent links aren't linking, so I guess you'll have to go here to see it.)

And now for the guy I'm growing really proud of. While I've been playing a lot with the pen tool (and think I'm really getting the hang of it) this is my first completed digital drawing. Sadly, it's not my concept, though. I must confess this is inspired by a picture I've had hanging over my kitchen sink in every apartment I've lived in since high school.

miracle fish grow

I'm sure I've missed some details, so I may do more to it later, but I'm still pretty darn happy with it. And yes, this was done in just photoshop, not Illustrator or some fancy-schmancy drawing program like that. Cause I don't have that.

Now what I really need to do is get my butt moving on my new website design, which I've been planning to do for months!

love-love. Lindsay

As I mentioned before, I'm in this little film called The Wizards of Daggordale. While the wizards themselves still have a lot of footage to shoot, we in the supporting cast had our turn last month, and they've put together a little behind the scenes peek. Check it out!

i am the Harpy Queen

love-love. Lindsay

With all my photo organising and playing around in photoshop, I plan to eventually make a post comparing versions of my edits so you can see what I've been up to, and the changes that are coming through in my style. But for now I wanted to share a fun thing I made tonight. I had a bunch of half-decent pictures from a self shoot I did a month or so ago (trying to get a new headshot, but it just won't happen without decent lighting, which I can't afford). I ended up playing and making faces. Tonight I decided to use some to make a mock photo booth strip. And since photo booths aren't very common anymore, I had to make the pics look like I had them a while, complete with dirt and tears.  Whaddaya think?

mock photo booth

love-love. Lindsay

I have had my camera for a little over two years now. In that time, despite going through periods of neglecting it, I have still managed to amass over 7,000 photos. This does not include pictures of family or anything. These are just my photographic dabblings. Many are attributable to my trial and error style of shooting (Take a picture, see that it didn't come out just right, adjust something, take another). And if I don't delete something right away, I don't delete it. Needless to say that my hard drive is already pretty full. So I have been working on the task of sorting, tagging and deleting (or rather setting aside to be deleted after I burn them to disk - just in case I change my mind) all 7,000 said photos. ...I'll be at this a while.

What is intriguing me while I go through this process is that it is very easy for me to see how my skills have improved. Especially when going through the photos from the first month or so after getting the camera. Of course the images were bound to improve as I got better at handling the camera's controls, but I also found that the pictures I liked and was proud of at the time, I now think are quite dull. I can't figure out why I liked some of them so much. Then there are others I didn't care about, but now, due to the fact that I am also getting better at photoshop, I can see potential in them that I didn't catch before. So I guess my biggest improvement is not so much technically (or not at all technically, truth be told) but rather in my artistic vision. And that makes me happy, because the primary reason I always liked photography was that I wanted to create art, but can't draw. It's nice to find that there is way, albeit entirely subjective, to measure my progress to this end. ...Now which of my current photos will I think are dull two years from now?... ~__^

I've had a production meeting, I've got my script in hand. I guess that means it's time to make the announcement. In February I will be filming my first fantasy adventure!

The Wizards of Daggordale is a very special film, and a pilot for a future web series. A pair of adventurous, singing, wizards seek the ancient Book of Runes, full of spells and enchantments. Unfortunately they seek it from me: the Harpy Queen. Let the magical battle ensue!

Sadly I cannot tell you the most special part of this film, as I am sworn to secrecy. And as a fantasy film shooting much of the time on green screen, there will indeed be months of post production before you can see it, and before I have much more to say about it. But hopefully we will have photos! (...I will be purple, I hear.)

See more about these wizards at their website: http://daggordale.sonnetfilms.com

While I have not really named an inanimate object since my car in high school (Winston, in honour of that fabulous high school), I have come to the realisation that, though unintentional, my computer's name is Shwartz McFly. This is because practically every time I try to use it it gets really slow or worse, completely unresponsive. Web pages load like dial up, text will sometimes take 30 seconds or more to appear (making it ever more difficult to catch typos, about which I am really anal), and quite often I click a button, or go to move the cursor in a text box, and nothing happens, leaving me to wonder if the click registered, so I click again, and... well it's a mess. And that's just the average. There are times when it is much worse!

Anyway, when it is slow, but working, I chant to it, "Come on Shwartz, come on Shwartz!" (Spaceballs) And when it is unresponsive I find myself saying, "Hello McFly!" (Back to the Future) So considering the frequency with which I utter these things to my VERY inanimate computer, I realise that, like it or not, this computer's name is Shwartz McFly.

And all I can say is Thank You Thank You Thank You Dad for helping me put Shwartz here into early retirement! After next week it will not need to do anything but hold the occasional online css or photoshop tutorial page for me while a shiny new desktop helps me do things this McFly could never dream of! And I'll probably be able to run a second program, like play music, while doing it! I can't even imagine what it will be like to use computer programs in real time.... It's like a dream!

love-love. Lindsay

Now available at an iTunes store near you: My first audio play! Woo-Hoo! Presented by The McCroskey Memorial Internet Playhouse, here's the blurb:

An anti-romantic comedy in two acts, Diary of A Superfluous Man concerns the misadventures of Chulkaturin, a tax official of late Imperial Russia, who, in chasing an improbable romance with a young lady of good family, battles against both a Russian prince and a fate that decreed him at birth to be “an extraneous bolt in the machinery of eternity.”

Sorry not to blab about it when I got cast or did the recording, but after my experience with Marry Me, in never knowing what's going on or when to expect anything (it may be another year now), I decided it would save on a lot of questions to just wait until it came out. So, really, I've saved you any suspense and given you instant gratification instead!

And is it weird that my first important role was in The Elephant Man, my first equity play was Man and Superman, and now my first radio play is Diary of a Superfluous Man? Does this mean I can expect my first feature length movie role to be a "man" of some kind? As in a superhero flick or something? Hm. That'd be cool.

Hope you enjoy the play. I've yet to hear it in its entirety, as it was only released today. For any of my low-tech relatives out there still living on dial-up, let me know if are unable to download it. I may not have been able to buy you copies of the calendar I made, but I'm sure I can scrounge up the postage to mail you a CD... eventually.

love-love. Lindsay

I had asked my sister for her opinion on the last shot for my calendar, mentioned in my previous post. I didn't go with her suggestion, but her insistence on a preference for a more whimsical fare inspired me to make a second calendar. I had been going back through all my photos (I've taken over 6,000 in the past two years) to find the right shot for the first calendar, and in doing so I found quite a few that I'd totally forgotten about. Some really cool ones. I don't know how they ever slipped my mind. Anyway, my second calendar is lindsay's whimsy and can be found here:
http://www.zazzle.com/lindsays_whimsy_2009_calendar-158099007970092448

And these are two of my favourite shots featured in it. I may upload a few others to my flickr later, but for now you can't go wrong with a couple strings of rubber chickens!

so hungry it's not even funny

one for jimi